In other news: February 2007

As all men know there are exact rules men must follow to be considered or even claim to be male. I have quoted them below for future reference. :)

In any event I am moving Saturday and Sean is in violation of rule 5 and is not exempt under subsection a therefore hes up for a demotion. Gratz!

RULES OF MANHOOD

1. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may
be legally killed and eaten by his fellow party goers.

2. Under no
circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. It is ok for a man to
cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save
it's master
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds
into "The Crying Game".
e. When your Date is using her teeth

4.
Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail
within 12 hours.

5. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend
move
a. Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing accident

6. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend of a friend move:
a. You'd rather stay home and watch speed buggy reruns.

7. If you've
known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you
actually marry her.

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a
guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes. For a
girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the
classic 1-10 scale.

9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a Mate's
fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

10.
No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man (in
fact, even remembering your Mate's birthday is strictly optional).

11.
On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

12. While your girlfriend must bond with your Mates' girlfriends within
30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pals'
significant dick-heads--- low level sports bonding is all the law requires
(sorry ladies, it's called a double standard and we drew the short straw on that
one).

13. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.

14. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

15. It is
permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical
beach....and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

16.
Only in situations of Moral and/or Ass peril are you allowed to kick another guy
in the nuts.

17. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

18.
Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

19. If a
man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see nothin'.

20.
Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they
demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much beer as the
other sports watchers.

21. You must offer heartfelt and public
condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who
secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

22. A man in
the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to
fight.

23. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

24. If you complement a
guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

25. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a Mate of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

26. Phrases that
may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push
it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit
the showers!
d. Nice Arse, are you a Sagittarius?

27. Never talk to
a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both
waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is
all the conversation you need.

28. Never allow a conversation with a
woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch
by the phone; Hang up if necessary.

29. You cannot rat out a co-worker
who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin,
smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down
so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loudspeaker
every seven minutes.

30. The morning after you and a babe who was
formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that your
feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the
discussion about what a big mistake it was.